You seem to have a strong desire for attention. Generally speaking, people want to be noticed and they want to feel important. Sometimes that need is greater among people who didn’t sufficiently feel loved or valued by their primary caregivers. Perhaps that was lacking in your development and you behave in this manner in order to compensate for those unmet needs. There might be other explanations.
The best way to determine what might be wrong and how to correct it is to be evaluated by a mental health professional. An evaluation will determine what treatment would be the most appropriate for your set of symptoms.
You are attempting to connect with others but in a seemingly maladaptive way. A good example of this is your desiring the attention of someone who physically harmed you and who wanted nothing to do with you. You should not be accepting of that type of treatment from others. You should avoid unhealthy relationships but because of your strong desire for attention, you seem to be willing to tolerate them. Therapy can be helpful in teaching you how to appropriately interact with others and how to recognize signs of an unhealthy relationship. Learning these skills can significantly improve your relationships and your quality of life. Please take care.
Dr. Kristina Randle