The main difference between humans and animals is that humans have free will and rationality. That means that we have the ability to make choices. We have the freedom to choose to engage in good or evil. In your circumstance, killing is a choice and it is evil. To choose to kill would be to choose evil. You should do everything in your power to turn away from evil, to reject it.
According to Judeo-Christian beliefs God said, in the sixth commandment, “thou shalt not kill.” Almost every living soul in the United States of America believes that killing is wrong. Every state, in the United States of America, says that killing is the most serious crime that can be committed and that those who kill will spend their lives in prison or be executed. If almost everyone believes that killing is wrong and you believe that killing is right, there is a great likelihood that it is you who is wrong. Are hundreds of millions wrong and you are right?
Often, when people are contemplating killing, it is because they are experiencing severe psychological distress. They are suffering and perhaps don’t know how to handle their intense emotions. You are in treatment for psychosis and depression. Mental illness might explain your urges.
The fact that you wrote this letter indicates that you want help. It’s also very encouraging that you are in therapy. Utilize the help that is available to you and discuss these urges with your therapist. There is every reason to believe that with more help, your urges will subside. Therapy and medication could help tremendously.
It’s imperative that you ask for additional help. If you feel like you might hurt yourself or someone else, then go to the emergency room or call 911. Calling for emergency assistance will ensure that no one will be harmed. Please take care.
Dr. Kristina Randle