I am having a issue where I just want to either end my own life or kill others. My mind just wants to make people suffer, it enjoys it. I have noticed that my emotions are starting to ignore everything. I am failing miserably at school. I used to be bullied and I am currently in therapy for depression and psychosis. Part of me wants to do this and the other part of me (like 99%) wants to stop what I am doing and go and start with my dad’s new girlfriend at the other end of the house. I already know how I will do it. First cut my dad’s throat so he can’t intervene. Second cut a smile into her face. Third start cutting various sections to bring her pain. All before fourth stabbing the heart and finishing her off. All before going to my sister’s room telling her… this is going to be fun and killing her. I don’t know how I would escape, all I know is I don’t plan on going to jail without a fight. I thought about school shootings only wondering where I would get the gun. I have thought about trying to become a serial killer all of it but the 1% of my mind is holding me back. (It’s the 1% thats the reason I am doing this.) I can’t talk to my therapist because well its 12:30 at night and he just thinks bombardment has caused this to electronics. I dissagree why? because I feel like Killing is fun… I want to kill everyone and everything… (sorry a bit of the other 99% there) anyway I just feel that this is something I have to do because if I don’t I feel I am at major risk of killing everyone I care about… I dont know why but now it’s playing in my mind the pbs kids thing saying “killing is fun” instead of “reading is fun” *chuckles* anyway ta ta therapist please help.I Have a Urge in My Mind that Says I Must Kill People or End My Life
I Have a Urge in My Mind that Says I Must Kill People or End My Life
The main difference between humans and animals is that humans have free will and rationality. That means that we have the ability to make choices. We have the freedom to choose to engage in good or evil. In your circumstance, killing is a choice and it is evil. To choose to kill would be to choose evil. You should do everything in your power to turn away from evil, to reject it.
According to Judeo-Christian beliefs God said, in the sixth commandment, “thou shalt not kill.” Almost every living soul in the United States of America believes that killing is wrong. Every state, in the United States of America, says that killing is the most serious crime that can be committed and that those who kill will spend their lives in prison or be executed. If almost everyone believes that killing is wrong and you believe that killing is right, there is a great likelihood that it is you who is wrong. Are hundreds of millions wrong and you are right?
Often, when people are contemplating killing, it is because they are experiencing severe psychological distress. They are suffering and perhaps don’t know how to handle their intense emotions. You are in treatment for psychosis and depression. Mental illness might explain your urges.
The fact that you wrote this letter indicates that you want help. It’s also very encouraging that you are in therapy. Utilize the help that is available to you and discuss these urges with your therapist. There is every reason to believe that with more help, your urges will subside. Therapy and medication could help tremendously.
It’s imperative that you ask for additional help. If you feel like you might hurt yourself or someone else, then go to the emergency room or call 911. Calling for emergency assistance will ensure that no one will be harmed. Please take care.
Dr. Kristina Randle