From the U.S.: Basically I got pregnant in a long distance relationship and after 8 months he finally moved to be with me. But I’ve read txts where he tells his mom he’s going to abandon the child and come back home to them after he makes enough money to pay off his debts. He tells me he’s just telling them that to calm them down. And the past few months before he moved to me, he was talking with other girls I didn’t know about and even was planning to date one of them “if he and I didn’t work out” and he was telling her he loved her and all this.
I don’t know if they’re still talking because he locked his facebook and I can’t get in. All this hiding and secrecy has me really not trusting him (and I’ve had trust issues before him anyway). He’s the father of my child but I just don’t believe anything he says anymore and I’m under massive stress trying to cope. but our baby is due in just a few more weeks and I dont want her to grow up without her dad but i think i don’t want us to be together anymore.
I just can’t trust him. He still had photos of his ex girlfriend (including nudes) saved to his pc. He was talking with his ex throughout our whole relationship and lying about it. And I’ve read the emails with his other exes (that he had saved in his inbox) about how their relationships all started (which I get, it was all before me, no biggie) except that I realized he tells us all the exact same thing. The same lines to get us to be with him and then he plays the victim like he never did anything wrong. It’s just hurtful.
I know I’m wrong for going through his txts and emails, but I feel like if iI ask (and he truly has nothing to hide) he would show me without hesitation. But he hides it all and locks me out. Which makes me think there is stuff he doesn’t want me to see. Which, of course, only makes me more curious about what he’s hiding and why. I don’t really know what to do here… Please help.
I think it’s time to face facts. It takes more than biology to make a father. Your baby doesn’t have a committed father now and probably won’t have one in the future. This man just isn’t into you or into making a family with you. Take a big step back. Don’t invest another minute of your time or your heart. You simply can’t rely on him now. People do change but only when they want to. Pull back from him unless and until you see evidence that he is sincerely interested in being the man you and your baby deserve.
I hope you have family and friends who you can count on. Bringing a baby into the world should be a joyful and tender experience, not one fraught with stress and grief. Ask a good friend or relative to be with you during delivery so you can focus on the baby, not on a guy who doesn’t deserve your love.
I wish you a safe and happy birthing. Dr. Marie
I Have No Trust in My Baby’s Father
Dr. Marie Hartwell-Walker
Dr. Marie is licensed as both a psychologist and marriage and family counselor. She specializes in couples and family therapy and parent education. Follow her on Facebook or Twitter.
APA Reference Hartwell-Walker, D. (2018). I Have No Trust in My Baby’s Father. Psych Central.
Retrieved on May 23, 2019, from https://psychcentral.com/ask-the-therapist/2015/01/17/i-have-no-trust-in-my-babys-father/
Last updated: 8 May 2018 Last reviewed: By a member of our scientific advisory board on 8 May 2018 Published on Psych Central.com. All rights reserved.