with problem is very external but I am under lots of stress from inside. I have visa issues in US. I am not from here and I have single entry visa and my visa depends on my job which puts lots of pressure on me. I hardly can change my job and also I can’t leave the US because of visa issues and I don’t have anyone here. I am alone, no close friend in my city and most of times I am alone. It is ok by itself but when sometimes I feel so hopeless and I break down and I become anxious and I feel pain in my brain because sometimes I think too much. I also have relationship problems. I had a girl friend that I liked her but at the same time I didn’t want to be with her because I wanted to be with other girls too. After she left, I felt so alone. I dated this other girl who I think she has borderline because she can’t let any guy in her past go and she also doesn’t wanna break up and she has anger problems. I just date these girls for my loneliness. What should I do? Am I mentally ill? (age 31, in US)
I don’t think you are mentally ill, I think you are lonely and feeling somewhat trapped in your situation because of your visa issues and job stress. I think the best thing you can do right now is to focus your energy on making friends and building up a support network for you here. There is nothing wrong with wanting to date different girls and not settle down yet, as long as you are honest with them about this. Although as you have found, once a relationship ends you feel alone again, which is why you need friends too.
Try finding new and different ways of meeting people and force yourself to make eye contact and say “hello.” The only way to make friends is to put yourself in places where people are, such as the gym, coffee shops, parks, etc. You can also look for groups through things like meetup.com, take a class at a community college or find a local support group for people dealing with similar issues, including living away from your native country. If you need more help in getting connected to others you could meet with a therapist or a life coach to ask for guidance. Once you have a better support group, you may find that the job stress and visa issues are much more manageable.
All the best,
Dr. Holly Counts
External Mental Pressure and Loneliness
Holly Counts, Psy.D.
Dr. Holly Counts is a licensed Clinical Psychologist. She utilizes a mind, body and spirit approach to healing. Dr. Counts received her Bachelor’s degree in Psychology from Wright State University and her Masters and Doctoral degrees in Clinical Psychology from Nova Southeastern University. Dr. Counts has worked in a variety of settings and has specialized in trauma and abuse, relationship issues, health psychology, women’s issues, adolescence, GLBT, life transitions and grief counseling. She has specialty training in guided imagery, EMDR, EFT, hypnosis and using intuition to heal. Her current passion involves integrating holistic and alternative approaches to health and healing with psychology.
APA Reference Counts, H. (2018). External Mental Pressure and Loneliness. Psych Central.
Retrieved on November 21, 2019, from https://psychcentral.com/ask-the-therapist/2015/01/16/external-mental-pressure-and-loneliness/
Last updated: 8 May 2018 (Originally: 16 Jan 2015) Last reviewed: By a member of our scientific advisory board on 8 May 2018 Published on Psych Central.com. All rights reserved.