Hi, first I want to say thanks for taking the time to look at my question and sorry it is so long. I have recently been feeling sad and confused. I want to make sure I do not have any disorders so I am going to tell you what has been going on with me lately. I have plenty of friends and family, but I’m not that close with my friends. I want to have a best friend that I can always count on and share everything with but I don’t have that. I sometimes get bored with friends easily or annoyed with them for little things, and don’t like them for like a second, but I don’t say anything to them about it. Also sometimes, for reasons, I don’t like people, not my friends, but I am always nice to them and when I see them I like them again and forget why they were so annoying. Also, I have always been a little moody and kind of irritable. I have trouble falling asleep at night and worry/overthink about a lot of things. I don’t believe I have a personality disorder but I have been looking at bpd. However, I do not have an intense fear of being alone or abandoned. I just thought of that because of my relationships with people, I’m not sure if it qualifies as unstable relationships since I haven’t fought with any of my friends and we are all on good terms. Also, because bpd has unstable moods and unstable sense of self as symptoms as well. Another thing is I have a shopping problem, well not really a problem, but I love to shop and buy things that I may not even need. I also pick my hair, the split ends, not from the scalp but still I can’t really control it. Like I said, I don’t think I have this but I just wanted to make sure that my relationships with my friends aren’t cause for concern.
Another personality disorder that I looked at was antisocial disorder. I very highly doubt I have this since I am capable of showing a lot of sympathy and love and compassion. I also do feel guilt, but I saw one symptom was being irritable which I think I might be, I’m not sure. I get annoyed when I am sitting down and someone asks me to get something, I just grunt, but I don’t really do anything about it. Also I saw another symptom was being irresponsible, I have a job and I do it well but sometimes I am late to events. Also, I lose things sort of often and I depend on my sister for stuff, not at work, but because she has always been someone who helps me.
The other symptom I was looking at was lying a lot. I lie sometimes but only to avoid getting in trouble or if I am embarrassed about something. I also used to steal from people, sometimes, it happened like 10 times in my life and I only felt guilty when they realized they had something missing. They did not know it was me and I felt so bad and I stopped doing that a while ago but it still happened. I guess I always had a what someone doesn’t know won’t hurt them philosophy, but I realized it was dumb so I stopped stealing and I am a lot more honest now. I am trying to be a better person and I know I already am good but I want to be a better friend.
Also I know that you must have had conduct disorder to be diagnosed for ASPD which is why I am asking this question. I once had a fish and a bird and I used to take the fish out of the water and hold it but once I found out this could kill it I stopped, I was about 7 or 8. And for my bird, I was 17 and I used to hit the cage, never the bird, when the bird made a mess on the counter after I cleaned it up. I just wanted to make sure this was not animal cruelty. I highly doubt I had conduct disorder as a child but I did used to steal like I said, it wasn’t a lot and it was almost always money, once it was gum and a painting set, as a child. I also used to rip my sisters clothes when I was mad at her or break her jewelry, but I grew out of that and I always felt so bad and regretted it after.
Anyways, I changed a lot but I wanted to make sure there was nothing going on. Oh and I recently started confusing very small details of my dream with real life. For example, I dreamt someone complimented my nail polish and thought it actually happened but realized it didn’t. I usually realize it was a dream but still I sometimes, not often, confuse small details of a dream as real life or vice versa. (age 23, from US)