I am a 25 year old guy. I have no problem getting an erection while making out and foreplay, but as soon as I put the condom, I have difficulty maintaining an erection.
This happened for the first time a few months back when I was having sex with a girl I had been dating for a couple of weeks. As we didn’t talk about it, I never heard back from her again.
It happened again for the second time last week with another girl I had just started dating. Just like last time, I didn’t hear back from her again.
The second time I tried a different brand of extra thin condom, but the same problem happened. I have tried masturbating with a condom on and every time I have been able to maintain the erection until ejaculation. I am worried this might happen again. Should I bring this topic up before sex with a new partner whom I’ve known only for a few weeks, and how do I broach this topic the right way? I’d like her to know that I find her very attractive, it’s just I’m just getting nervous. And how do I overcome this problem?
This is an important question. Thank you for asking it. It is very common and some sources identify that nearly half the men using condoms experience it: You are not alone. It is important to note that in your case this is likely to be psychological rather than physical. If you are able to masturbate with it on — then it is likely to be about you anxiety with your partner.
First look at the transition time. The act of stopping to put the condom on may be the problem. Ask your partner to keep stimulating you (or you do it yourself) while putting it on. Staying stimulated rather than getting hard again may help.
Secondly, consider other forms of contraception, like spermicide, which doesn’t protect you from venereal disease in the way a condom does, but is an effective way of preventing pregnancy.
Finally, keep experimenting with different condoms and talking with your partner. As your anxiety goes down and the skill level goes up you are likely to overcome your circumstance.
Dan Tomasulo Ph.D., TEP, MFA, MAPP teaches Positive Psychology in the graduate program of Counseling and Clinical Psychology at Columbia University, Teachers College and works with Martin Seligman, the Father of Positive Psychology in the Masters of Applied Positive Psychology (MAPP) program at the University of Pennsylvania. He is Director of the New York Certification in Positive Psychology for the Open Center in New York City and on faculty at New Jersey City University. Sharecare has honored him as one of the top 10 online influencers on the topic of depression. For more information go to: http://www.dare2behappy.com/. He also writes for Psych Central's Ask the Therapist column and the Proof Positive blog.
APA Reference Tomasulo, D. (2018). Lose Erection After Putting on Condom. Psych Central.
Retrieved on November 20, 2019, from https://psychcentral.com/ask-the-therapist/2015/01/10/lose-erection-after-putting-on-condom/
Last updated: 8 May 2018 (Originally: 10 Jan 2015) Last reviewed: By a member of our scientific advisory board on 8 May 2018 Published on Psych Central.com. All rights reserved.