As a teenager I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder and when I was younger with ADHD, I have not followed up with any treatment mostly because therapy and median made me tired and mad. My father was an alcoholic and I went through a lot of traumatic things by age 13 and truly didn’t want to be bothered or cope. I believe that’s where I developed my skill of blacking stuff out and turning off my feelings. If I’m upset or angry to the point where I just don’t care, I truly don’t care. I can turn off my feelings for a person like it’s nothing. I not only say I don’t care at all I feel it. I don’t like to feel like that, but sometimes I just get so mad or for whatever reason I won’t budge. I can be very stubborn and I can keep up this non emotional state for days depending on how mad I am, or upset but I can go back to caring … to get back to that point I either have to wait long enough or the other person has to say something I want to hear … I don’t like how I am, I can be so cold, so hateful and even called evil. The look I get on my face or in my eyes shows I mean what I say at that point in time. I don’t know what it’s called, is it from bipolar or ADHD, is it something else? I just truly wish to put a name to this, I feel if I can I can start looking for help for it. I know I need help for ADHD and bipolar but I want to change my attitude issues before I see someone. I know as a kid I hated it and so far I have not reached out for help beyond this, though I do know I need it.What & Why Do I Feel This Way?
What & Why Do I Feel This Way?
It sounds like the therapy you had as a kid was a long time ago. You state your age now has 30 so your experiences from back then are being seen through the eyes of a child. It may be time to think about finding help now for the concerns you have.
If you’re not ready for therapy perhaps you could log onto one of our forums. Here you can talk with others who struggle with a similar diagnosis and can get their opinions about therapy. I think this would be a good place to start.