As a teenager I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder and when I was younger with ADHD, I have not followed up with any treatment mostly because therapy and median made me tired and mad. My father was an alcoholic and I went through a lot of traumatic things by age 13 and truly didn’t want to be bothered or cope. I believe that’s where I developed my skill of blacking stuff out and turning off my feelings. If I’m upset or angry to the point where I just don’t care, I truly don’t care. I can turn off my feelings for a person like it’s nothing. I not only say I don’t care at all I feel it. I don’t like to feel like that, but sometimes I just get so mad or for whatever reason I won’t budge. I can be very stubborn and I can keep up this non emotional state for days depending on how mad I am, or upset but I can go back to caring … to get back to that point I either have to wait long enough or the other person has to say something I want to hear … I don’t like how I am, I can be so cold, so hateful and even called evil. The look I get on my face or in my eyes shows I mean what I say at that point in time. I don’t know what it’s called, is it from bipolar or ADHD, is it something else? I just truly wish to put a name to this, I feel if I can I can start looking for help for it. I know I need help for ADHD and bipolar but I want to change my attitude issues before I see someone. I know as a kid I hated it and so far I have not reached out for help beyond this, though I do know I need it.