I have a girlfriend who is 3 years older to me. She is not that much pretty. Her parents are no more and she lives with her brother and sister in law who do not treat her well. Our relationship is now 4 years old and till last month everything was fine between us. Last month, she told me to ask her brother for marrying her otherwise they will arrange her marriage with someone else. As she told me, I started having trust issues in my relationship with her. Also, she was a lot friendly with guys from the beginning but I ignored that or I must say she had a very few female friends and a lot of guy friends. She becomes friendly with all guys whom she met whether in café, college, shop or anywhere. A year back, she told me that there was a guy in his class who proposed her but she rejected, telling him that she loves me. I scolded that guy a lot over phone because he was sending some non-casual messages to her after that incident and I also told her not to talk with him again but recently I found that she did but only a casual chat that’s what I found in her phone. There was another incident in which she told me that a guy living in her neighborhood proposed her but she rejected him telling him that she’s committed. But, after few days, she was talking to him in the market about the rejection and she told me that too. Nowadays, I started remembering all those things and my trust level is deteriorating day by day. I always have thoughts that she is messing up with somebody behind my back and I started treating her like a liar. We fight after every couple of days and sometimes I feel that I am becoming controlling freak but on the other hand my mind says that she is planning to marry me as that way she will settle down easily and will enjoy her life like this again but also I am confused that my mind is messing up because I am doing nothing these days except working from home and my career is going nowhere. Kindly tell me that is she cheating or is there something with my mind and thoughts? Also, kindly tell me how I can confirm about her honesty with me because if I find that she is honest I will surely accept her or else I don’t want to become the victim of any plan or a player.
There seems to be several layers of this situation that you will want to explore. First, your feelings are not random. How is it that she is getting proposals left and right? This doesn’t happen out of the blue, so your concern is real. Men typically don’t propose marriage to someone they have no relationship with — so you having concerns makes sense. It also sounds like she is from a culture where arranged marriages are organized by the family. This concern of hers that you need to ask her brother now brings the question to you if you are ready to get married. Are you? This may be something she and her family want, but is it what you want at this time?
Finally, I would have a very open discussion about your concerns and insecurities. This is in the service of both of you ironing out your concerns, needs and fears. From there you can make a decision about moving forward.
Dan Tomasulo Ph.D., TEP, MFA, MAPP teaches Positive Psychology in the graduate program of Counseling and Clinical Psychology at Columbia University, Teachers College and works with Martin Seligman, the Father of Positive Psychology in the Masters of Applied Positive Psychology (MAPP) program at the University of Pennsylvania. He is Director of the New York Certification in Positive Psychology for the Open Center in New York City and on faculty at New Jersey City University. Sharecare has honored him as one of the top 10 online influencers on the topic of depression. For more information go to: http://www.dare2behappy.com/. He also writes for Psych Central's Ask the Therapist column and the Proof Positive blog.
APA Reference Tomasulo, D. (2018). Girlfriend Messing Around or Am I Paranoid?. Psych Central.
Retrieved on September 19, 2019, from https://psychcentral.com/ask-the-therapist/2014/12/28/girlfriend-messing-around-or-am-i-paranoid/
Last updated: 8 May 2018 Last reviewed: By a member of our scientific advisory board on 8 May 2018 Published on Psych Central.com. All rights reserved.