I have read many different types of answers to this concern, but I believe my case is different. I am away for college and almost 3 years ago, I met the love of my life and have been with him for almost 2 years. He is the most caring and loving person I have ever met, but he was born with a birth defect called Spina Bifida. It is a very rare case though, he is able to walk and do just about everything someone without his condition can do. Though it still can be daily challenge for him everyday, but he is a stronger person for it and even with that challenge, I accept him for who he truly is.
As for my parents, the case is not the same. They have told me time and time again that they do not like him and that he is not good enough for me. Of course the question from me is ‘why?’ All he has done is treat me right and make me the happiest I’ve ever been, what else could I possibly need? Well, my parents come from a strict Hispanic background and are the type of people that are extremely closed-minded in this new generation. Even though it has never been said blatantly that the reason for them not liking him for is for his defect, it has come across that that may be the only reason. My parents would bring up the fact that I would have to live with his medical issues for the rest of my life. And yes, I understand where they are coming from, at the end of the day they want me to live a life with someone who is not as medically fragile. But at the end of the day, if I’m happy and this is the person I choose to be with, shouldn’t that be all that matters? After all, I am an adult and can make my own decisions on who I choose to date. But, it can be hard when both of your parents don’t like the person you love.
Thanks for asking your question. Parents always want the best for their children and their meddling in their children’s love life is the stuff of classic literature (Romeo and Juliet) and classic research and advice columns.
The long and short of it is that they have given you their input, and that is the end of it. What they don’t know is that there is often a boomerang effect: The more they push you to leave the least likely it is you wouldn’t separate even if it were in your best interest.
Explain to them that you know they love you and they are acting in a way they think is helpful, but it isn’t. You understand how they feel, but at 20 you want to make your own decisions, good or not, and that them repeating what they have already said is actually pushing you away.
Finally, stop having the conversation. When it comes up explain that it doesn’t make you feel good to keep justifying your life to them. Ultimately keep making plans for your financial and emotional independence. It is time.
Dan Tomasulo Ph.D., TEP, MFA, MAPP teaches Positive Psychology in the graduate program of Counseling and Clinical Psychology at Columbia University, Teachers College and works with Martin Seligman, the Father of Positive Psychology in the Masters of Applied Positive Psychology (MAPP) program at the University of Pennsylvania. He is Director of the New York Certification in Positive Psychology for the Open Center in New York City and on faculty at New Jersey City University. Sharecare has honored him as one of the top 10 online influencers on the topic of depression. For more information go to: http://www.dare2behappy.com/. He also writes for Psych Central's Ask the Therapist column and the Proof Positive blog.
APA Reference Tomasulo, D. (2018). My Parents Won’t Accept My Boyfriend. Psych Central.
Retrieved on November 22, 2019, from https://psychcentral.com/ask-the-therapist/2014/12/26/my-parents-wont-accept-my-boyfriend/
Last updated: 8 May 2018 (Originally: 26 Dec 2014) Last reviewed: By a member of our scientific advisory board on 8 May 2018 Published on Psych Central.com. All rights reserved.