For the past year, I’ve been struggling to be positive, happy, or feel good about myself, my life, or my relationship. I feel sad and depressed most of the time, crying almost daily. About a year ago, I moved to a new state with my boyfriend. We have been together for about a year and a half now. Ever since the transition of moving and getting a new job, it’s been difficult for me to be happy. I’m constantly sad about my relationship, not feeling satisfied, and where my life is going. My boyfriend is kind and loving, but I always seem to find fault with things on a daily basis. I end up lashing out at him for my own insecurities and feelings of us not being “perfect.” My anger and unkind behavior towards him is creating distance between us. His feelings are hurt by my actions and words and it makes me feel even more sad and depressed. I feel as though I’m pushing away good things in my life because of my unhappiness. Our sex life is also suffering and I feel as though we aren’t connecting the way we used to, on an intimate level. I have support around me from my family and friends, but somehow I always seem to sink into my sadness. I’m sad about my body, my looks, my desire to grow professionally, monetary issues, and of course how I’m doing in my relationship with my boyfriend. I’ve tried to do things for myself and find a personal sense of accomplishment and joy; however, a little thing like laundry, or not getting a hug when I get home from work can create a tidal wave of insecurity and sadness. I often think about running away from everything. I think sometimes that I’m such a bad person for being mean or expecting so much from my boyfriend that he doesn’t deserve to be with me. I’m nervous about ruining our relationship. My constant crying and need for attention is making him want to be more separate from me, which then causes more stress and sadness on my part. I’m in desperate need for happiness or at least a better understanding of how to deal with my feelings. I have so many wonderful things in my life, things to be thankful for, and people that care for me, but I can’t seem to stop being so sad all of the time. Please help, I would be very grateful. Thank you.
Thank you for your letter. The symptoms that you described sound like they have been difficult for you to manage for a while. In light of this I think getting a professional opinion about your situation would be helpful. Trying to understand why you cry every day and are so critical of those who thought of seems important. The find help tab at the top of this page can help you find a therapist in your area.
Learning the cause of these symptoms would be essential in making the changes you want.
Dan Tomasulo Ph.D., TEP, MFA, MAPP teaches Positive Psychology in the graduate program of Counseling and Clinical Psychology at Columbia University, Teachers College and works with Martin Seligman, the Father of Positive Psychology in the Masters of Applied Positive Psychology (MAPP) program at the University of Pennsylvania. He is Director of the New York Certification in Positive Psychology for the Open Center in New York City and on faculty at New Jersey City University. Sharecare has honored him as one of the top 10 online influencers on the topic of depression. For more information go to: http://www.dare2behappy.com/. He also writes for Psych Central's Ask the Therapist column and the Proof Positive blog.
APA Reference Tomasulo, D. (2018). Searching for Happiness in My Life. Psych Central.
Retrieved on November 17, 2019, from https://psychcentral.com/ask-the-therapist/2014/12/17/searching-for-happiness-in-my-life/
Last updated: 8 May 2018 Last reviewed: By a member of our scientific advisory board on 8 May 2018 Published on Psych Central.com. All rights reserved.