From India: I am currently going through a lot of confusion. I became close friends with a girl (Let’s call her G) with whom I shared a deep emotional and intellectual connection even though there was no physical attraction initially. However our emotional intimacy led us to start dating. We dated for a few months and I found G to be an amazing, caring, supportive woman. I found in her a lot of characteristics that I find in my mother. We are very different as individuals in terms of our likes and dislikes but there was a deep bond we both felt.
I felt comfortable in my girlfriend’s presence and felt a sense of familiarity that I had rarely experienced before in my previous relationships. I experienced compatibility with her that I had never experienced before.
However, there was no passion and little sexual attraction in the relationship. The lack of passion was extremely frustrating for me and I would find myself constantly attracted to other girls who were more attractive. I consider myself good-looking and attractive to the opposite sex.
Because G wanted a firmer commitment (a commitment of marriage) and i wasn’t sure if I could sacrifice passion, I broke up with her.
It has been a few months since I have broken up with her and I miss her terribly. I was deeply attached to her on an emotional level and without her, I feel depressed. Maybe I love her in a deeper way.
But now I am scared of going back to her because I feel I will once again feel frustrated by the lack of passion/attraction and this time it will be devastating for her, especially if this happens after we get married.
Let me also add that in the past, I have been in a few relationships with many attractive girls but those relationships never worked out due to compatibility issues. I also think that I have commitment issues because the thought of commitment makes me nervous and sabotage relationships.
I briefly spoke about this to a psychiatrist and she made a remarkable insight based on the analysis of my dreams — she said at a subconscious level I already think of G as my wife. I realized that to be true.
Please advise what to do. Should i go back and marry G, who I am attracted to at an emotional and intellectual level, if not so much at a physical level? Without her, I am depressed and feel low. But I need to be sure of my decision since it also involves her and I care for her immensely. I am constantly grappling with my fears and dilemma and the indecisiveness is bogging me down. Please help.