The time to discuss your suicidal ideation is now. Metaphorically speaking, it’s a mistake to ignore the “elephant in the room.” Not discussing it would be akin to delaying treatment. I would advise against doing that.
You should be honest with your therapist about how you feel. If true, stress the fact that you do not have a plan to end your life. The decision regarding inpatient hospitalization often hinges on whether or not an individual has a specific plan to end their life. Simply tell the truth to your therapist. Never try to manipulate the therapist. Thinking about suicide is very different than having specific plans to carry it out. You should also openly discuss your concerns about being re-hospitalized.
Consider consulting a therapist who is trained in dialectical behavioral therapy (DBT). DBT is a highly-specialized and effective intervention for individuals who engage in suicidal thinking and behavior. DBT is specifically geared towards teaching clients how to regulate their emotions. I would encourage you to read more about DBT and perhaps acquire a DBT workbook. The workbook may be helpful but I recommend that you complete it in tandem with a DBT-trained therapist. Ask for a referral or check the Psychology Today website to locate a DBT therapist in your community. Please take care.
Dr. Kristina Randle