Your depression symptoms are worsening and you sometimes have suicidal thoughts. These symptoms may stem from having been bullied and treated poorly by your family.
Relationships, in general, are a challenge for you. You characterized your past friendships as being neglectful. In the absence of healthy and positive relationship role models, you may be inadvertently choosing the wrong friends. Counseling could help you make better choices regarding friends and knowing how to navigate these relationships.
When it becomes evident that a problem is worsening, it is advisable to seek treatment. If you had a physical health problem and your symptoms were worsening, you probably would not hesitate to consult a professional. You should have the same attitude towards mental health symptoms, even if it goes against the norms of your family or culture.
Depression is a highly treatable condition but you first have to be open to treatment. I hope that you will consider counseling even if it goes against your cultural norms. Critical thinkers, who Abraham Maslow describes as the only truly healthy people, don’t abide by cultural norms. They think for themselves and are guided by the truth. Cultural norms come and go. They were different 100 years ago and will be different, in different ways, a hundred years from now. Which are or were the right ones? I hope that you will consider my advice. Please take care.
Dr. Kristina Randle