From Singapore: I have been in a long distance relationship for 2 years now, with another 1 more year of to go, of living apart, before we tie the knot. We Skype regularly, have managed to meet each other every 4 months or so for the past two years, and have a healthy emotional and intellectual relationship. But the physical aspect is completely missing. The few times we have been together, we hardly had time and even when we tried, weren’t able to consummate our relationship. As a result, when a friend talks about sex or I hear a family member in the house indulging in sex with their partner, I develop an intense anger, hatred and jealousy that drives me over the edge and reduces me to uncontrollable tears. Although I have identified what triggers my mad rush of emotions, I am struggling to control them. I’m seriously contemplating a one-night stand (without my partner’s knowledge) to “release” some of this pent up frustration.
A one night stand would be very unwise. It probably would not accomplish the release you seek. It would put a wedge in your relationship. Self-stimulation will give you the sexual release without the betrayal.
However — I don’t think physical release is the problem. You are in a deeply committed relationship but somehow the two of you haven’t managed to be physically intimate despite meeting regularly for two years. Couples do manage to have satisfying sex with much less frequent and much more hurried contact than you describe. I have to wonder what is getting in your way. How is it that two mature intelligent people who desire each other can’t plan a sexual encounter — however short? Instead of obsessing about it, it’s time you asked your boyfriend the same question. Honest communication will do far more for you and your relationship than going behind your partner’s back.
I wish you well. Dr. Marie
The Physical Aspect of a Relationship Is Missing
Dr. Marie Hartwell-Walker
Dr. Marie is licensed as both a psychologist and marriage and family counselor. She specializes in couples and family therapy and parent education. Follow her on Facebook or Twitter.
APA Reference Hartwell-Walker, D. (2018). The Physical Aspect of a Relationship Is Missing. Psych Central.
Retrieved on May 22, 2019, from https://psychcentral.com/ask-the-therapist/2014/12/08/the-physical-aspect-of-a-relationship-is-missing/
Last updated: 8 May 2018 Last reviewed: By a member of our scientific advisory board on 8 May 2018 Published on Psych Central.com. All rights reserved.