To answer your question: You are not crazy. You are being emotionally abused. Your husband is isolating you and making you so dependent you feel you can’t leave. But you can. In fact, in my opinion, you should. You are drowning in unhappiness and your self-esteem has been severely damaged. Your children are growing up believing this is a normal relationship between adult partners.
Fortunately, there is help in your city. Call the National Domestic Violence hotline at 1-800-799-7233. Counselors are available 24/7 to talk to women in situations like yours. They can give you support and practical advice for how to begin to establish a better life for yourself and your children. Their website is www.thehotline.org. There is a women’s shelter in your city that can also be helpful.
Warning: Abusers can become even more abusive when their partners start to reach for help. Computer use can be monitored and can’t be completely cleared. Please use the computer at your local library or at the home of a friend if you decide to look for help online.
I wish you well.