This is going to be very long but I really, really, really need help. I have been married for 16 yrs. My husband has been addicted to one thing or another our whole marriage. First it was gambling, then weed, followed by alcohol and cocaine and now he has an addiction to prescription pain pills. He has had affairs in the past and he lies constantly. He refuses to go to rehab or marriage counseling. I am always to blame for whatever problem we are having. I don’t work.
I haven’t worked most of our marriage because we have children and if I had to work and he wanted to go have fun I had to find babysitter which was impossible with no family around to help. So I just quit and now ten years later, I’m the reason our life sucks because I need a job. He makes enough to pay our bills and support us, but he doesn’t make enough to blow on having fun. I’m not allowed to spend money on myself. If I do, then he acts like he did me some grand favor because he bought me glasses and that gives him the right to do as he pleases and am not to say anything.
He constantly puts me down and makes me feel ugly and worthless. Over the past few years I have slowly withdrawn from life. I have severe panic attacks at the grocery store. I have NO friends. I am full of hate and resentment. I so depressed that I wake up with tears rolling down my face. I think of suicide often but have never acted on it. But it is getting harder and harder to find reasons to live.
I don’t know what to do. I feel so helpless and worthless. I have no friends are family. No job or car or money of my own. How do I get my happiness back? How do I move on in my life with no help and no money? Please help me. This is just the tip of my problems. But I feel this is the root of my problems.
To answer your question: You are not crazy. You are being emotionally abused. Your husband is isolating you and making you so dependent you feel you can’t leave. But you can. In fact, in my opinion, you should. You are drowning in unhappiness and your self-esteem has been severely damaged. Your children are growing up believing this is a normal relationship between adult partners.
Fortunately, there is help in your city. Call the National Domestic Violence hotline at 1-800-799-7233. Counselors are available 24/7 to talk to women in situations like yours. They can give you support and practical advice for how to begin to establish a better life for yourself and your children. Their website is www.thehotline.org. There is a women’s shelter in your city that can also be helpful.
Warning: Abusers can become even more abusive when their partners start to reach for help. Computer use can be monitored and can’t be completely cleared. Please use the computer at your local library or at the home of a friend if you decide to look for help online.
I wish you well. Dr. Marie
Am I Being Abused or Am I Crazy?
Dr. Marie Hartwell-Walker
Dr. Marie is licensed as both a psychologist and marriage and family counselor. She specializes in couples and family therapy and parent education. Follow her on Facebook or Twitter.
APA Reference Hartwell-Walker, D. (2018). Am I Being Abused or Am I Crazy?. Psych Central.
Retrieved on November 12, 2019, from https://psychcentral.com/ask-the-therapist/2014/12/06/am-i-being-abused-or-am-i-crazy/
Last updated: 8 May 2018 Last reviewed: By a member of our scientific advisory board on 8 May 2018 Published on Psych Central.com. All rights reserved.