I know the way that I’m acting and thinking is not normal. I feel so lonely and detached from everyone around me. I just kind of float through school and I really have no friends there — no one I can connect with anyway. All I want to do is lay down and give up. I’ve thought about suicide multiple times. I really hope and pray that I get into a car accident so that it doesn’t look intentional. Whatever, anything so that I don’t have to suffer anymore. I just want to feel whole, I want my parents to listen to me. I’ve tried talking to them about it and they just swept in under the rug and that’s all they’re going to continue to do. “Not my boy!” they say.
How can I get the help that I want? Am I really depressed or is this just a phase? What’s so very wrong with me? Just recently I’ve considered cutting. I feel like I need to suffer, I need to burn. I stay up all night, I don’t eat nearly enough, anything to give the pain a name. I don’t know what’s hurting me so badly, but I just want it to end.I Think that I’m Depressed, Parents Won’t Help Me
I Think that I’m Depressed, Parents Won’t Help Me
Thank you for writing. No. This is not “just a phase.” Unfortunately, the things you are doing to conquer your pain are now contributing to it. You’re developing a sleep disorder which can result in a deeper depression and even hallucinations. You are not giving your body and mind the nutrients they need to heal. If you want this to end, you need to do two things. First, start treating yourself the way you would treat a troubled friend. Feed yourself. Get some sleep. Secondly, if your parents aren’t helpful, you need to talk to the school counselor, your doctor, or a trusted adult who can intercede with them for you. Often parents will listen to another adult, even when they won’t listen to their child.
I do understand why your parents don’t want to think something is wrong with their son. But it’s far better for them to hear that you are depressed — and to get you some help — than it would be for them to deal with finding you with blood on your arms or worse. Please take an adult you trust into your confidence and have a sit down with your folks.
I wish you well.