You might be correct about having obsessive compulsive disorder (OCD). You seem to be experiencing some of the symptoms. Undergoing a psychological evaluation would be the best way to make that determination.
All persons with OCD have intrusive thoughts. Typically, individuals experience these thoughts and obsessions and subsequently perform various compulsive behaviors in an attempt to relieve the discomfort associated with their obsessions.
The heart of your problems might be the lack of trust in yourself. You believe that you might lose control and possibly commit murder. Fundamentally, the root of your fears may be the loss of control.
It’s always best to focus on reality and that is particularly important when it comes to anxiety. People with anxiety disorders are prone to excessive worry about situations where there is a low probability of the feared events occurring. The probability of your developing a sleepwalking disorder and murdering a family member is extremely low. As a general rule, the lower the probability of something occurring, the less concerned you should feel.
It’s important that you seek treatment with a therapist. You can likely receive treatment at your local community mental health center. Most community mental health centers offer free or sliding scale services. There may also be ongoing mental health studies at a nearby university. You might be eligible for participation in an anxiety study and would then receive free psychological treatment and or medication.
OCD is a highly treatable condition. I hope you that you will make the effort to determine what services are available in your community. It will be well worth your time and effort. Please take care.
Dr. Kristina Randle