My boyfriend is 40, I am 38, we have been together 3 yrs, living together most that time. He is a professional artist and is very talented. I work in a call center, but play music on the side and also dabble in painting myself. I have been working on a painting for about 3 weeks. When we came home from dinner tonight, he had started drinking and said he would help me with my painting. I like the thought of working on paintings together. He asked what I needed help with, I asked him if he could outline my shapes in black since he is a lot better at that then me. He said he would be happy too. I look over about 10 min later and he has taken black paint and just scribbled all over my painting and looks at me as says “I guess I ruined it,” not mean or anything just like “whoops.” I was wondering if maybe he really did it on purpose this is the second time he has done this.Subconscious Anger
Thank you for sending your concerns to us here at PsychCentral. He ruined your painting? Think about this for a minute. A 40-year-old man ruined your painting. There is nothing other than resentment and anger being expressed here. You’ve asked for his help — and he responds by destroying your creation.
Since this is the second time it’s happened I wouldn’t let the relationship progress without a very intense, serious, and deliberate conversation about his thoughts and feelings. The reason why I’m encouraging you to have this conversation sooner rather than later is that none of the motives for his behavior are good. Either he was drunk, being aggressive, or trying to provoke you. In any case, these issues need to be addressed.
I’ll encourage you to have the discussion first, but you’ll probably want to make a an appointment with a couples therapist. The “find help” tab at the top of the page can help you locate someone in your area.