From the U.S.: First a quick background about the kid, he’s currently 4, lives with my fiancé because his mom does not care to have him, although no legal custody was settled. Lady smokes weed, drank alcohol while pregnant. My fiancé has always worked 2 jobs to feed him and his child. The “Mother” was a babysitter, taught him no rules or structure, the kid is disrespectful, has no manners, no common sense.
I am currently 34 weeks pregnant. For 4 years I thought I was sterile, until my miracle happened, and at 6 weeks pregnant he constantly kicked me or tried to hit me in the stomach and I have hated him ever since. Throughout my pregnancy I’ve had nothing but hell because of this kid. I have to run home to be with him so my boyfriend can work, I hate going shopping now because he stresses me out so much. I can’t visit my parents and have 1 day away from him because his mother is a welfare-seeking leach that will not keep him and my fiancé has to work. I have not had one peaceful day in my life since I came around this kid.
My fiancé and I constantly argue because of anything that has to do with his kid even taking him to school in the mornings, he works late at nights and if i don’t want to get up, which, I never do he yells at me and I, of course think of the fact that this isn’t even my kid!! I love my boyfriend and he tries to be a good parent. On one end I would love to leave him just so I won’t have to deal with his kid ever again but again, I am currently pregnant by him and it’s also not fair to my child to keep him away from his dad because of this annoying kid. I’m not sure what to do, I fake happiness every day and I feel stuck between my child’s/fiancé’s love and my hatred towards this kid.
Sorry. This child is your kid. If you love his father and want to be with him, you need a major attitude transplant. It’s not the little boy’s fault that his mother is a loser or that he hasn’t been given the love and attention he needs. He is only 4. There is time to turn him around to be the loving boy he was meant to be. But not if you add another rejection to his store of rejections.
He tried to kick you because he was feeling threatened. He knows you don’t love him. He knows that the new baby will get all the love and attention he is longing for. He was expressing his anger at the spot he is in in the only way a little kid can — by acting out his feelings instead of talking them out.
I admire your fiancé greatly. He has not abandoned this child. He works hard and has stuck with you in spite of your attitude. You’d be foolish to leave him because you aren’t mature enough to love his son. If you want to keep the father, you need to get some counseling and learn how to be a kind and caring mother to a little boy who has been given a very bad deal in life already.
The added bonus is that learning how to care for him will make you a better mother for your biological child as well.
I wish you well. Dr. Marie
I Hate My 4-Year-Old Stepson
Dr. Marie Hartwell-Walker
Dr. Marie is licensed as both a psychologist and marriage and family counselor. She specializes in couples and family therapy and parent education. Follow her on Facebook or Twitter.
APA Reference Hartwell-Walker, D. (2018). I Hate My 4-Year-Old Stepson. Psych Central.
Retrieved on September 16, 2019, from https://psychcentral.com/ask-the-therapist/2014/11/18/i-hate-my-4-year-old-stepson/
Last updated: 8 May 2018 Last reviewed: By a member of our scientific advisory board on 8 May 2018 Published on Psych Central.com. All rights reserved.