I have always been a rather unpleasant person on the inside. It was only a few months ago I decided to embrace it. I feel as though I am superior to everyone else and that I am “different” in some way. I have always fantasized about hurting and killing animals and people, but there is a part of me that knows that it isn’t the right thing to do. I have become more and more in need of torturing something that I have decided to torture insects. I have lost all interest in making friends and have just become a social outcast (I’m homeschooled so at least I don’t have a ton of people around me). At this point I have daydreams about killing family members and pets in my house (I’m either indifferent or happy towards these feelings as much as I know they’re abnormal).
I have a huge interest in psychology so I do know that sociopaths are more manipulative than psychopaths. I believe that I am a psychopath, since I don’t think I am manipulative enough to be a sociopath.Am I a Psychopath?
Am I a Psychopath?
You describe yourself as a “rather unpleasant person” who is experiencing homicidal thoughts. When you had that recognition about yourself and subsequently decided to “embrace it.” You made a choice. The alternative to embracing these ideas is rejecting them. Why did you not reject them? I hope you will reconsider your decision.
By definition, to embrace something is to accept it willfully and enthusiastically. Embracing homicidal thoughts is akin to giving yourself permission to indulge in these fantasies and to perhaps act out in harmful ways. That is not okay.
You know that killing “isn’t the right thing to do” but “more and more” you feel compelled to torture insects. What is most concerning is your progression from thinking about engaging in acts of torture to actually engaging in the behavior. I see that as a dangerous escalation.
Hurting animals and people is never acceptable. When you recognize that a problem exists, you should seek help for it. You should never “embrace it.” If you like psychology and you have said that you do, I think you will both endorse and enjoy interacting with people who have spend their entire lives studying the human mind. I am talking about seeing a therapist.
Because of your age, you may need to involve your parents. Ask them to assist you in consulting a mental health professional. Seeking help is the most responsible course of action. Please take care.
Dr. Kristina Randle