When we first where together things where beautiful, our relationship was perfect. I got pregnant and shortly after I had my son and we where moving to a new state. An incident happened that left me in tears and that made him angry. He ended up punching a hole in the wall next to my face, I blamed it on stress. Three years later he has choked me twice, bruised my wrists, and put me down. The first time he choked me with one hand and took my other hand repeating punching himself in the face, he then told my family and his family that I attacked him. (He’s 5’11 and 290 pounds of muscle) my wrist had been messed up since then. The second time was in front of his friend. We were play-wrestling and he got out of control, he held my wrists down so hard they bruised black and I was screaming so he pushed down harder. When he let me up I made the mistake of fighting back and he held me up on the wall by my neck. I ran upstairs and locked the door. That was a month ago and things have been calm with the fighting, but about a week ago he held me down and forced me to have sex. After he acted like it never happened and has been acting sweet again. I really feel like I’m loosing my mind and I really don’t know what to do or what to expect at this point…Don’t Know What to Do or How to Feel about My Husband
Don’t Know What to Do or How to Feel about My Husband
Your husband is abusive. His behavior towards you is considered criminal in every state in this country. When you call the police, he will be arrested. None of the incidents that you have described are acceptable. Forced sex is rape, even if the perpetrator is your husband.
When someone is being abused, it’s important to seek help. You can call a local hotline and ask what services are available in your community. You can contact your local community mental health center and meet with a therapist. You can also speak with your primary care physician or your gynecologist who may be able to provide the appropriate referrals.
Here is a link to resources in your state.
Other potential resources include: www.RAINN.org and the Abused Adult Resource Network (AARN). AARN provides emergency support, crisis intervention, temporary shelter, food, counseling, and advocacy to victims of domestic violence and domestic assault in North Dakota. Their goal is to provide individuals with a “life free from abuse.” I would urge you to utilize their resources.
You might also consider living with your parents or another trusted friend or relative. You should never hesitate to call the police when you believe that your husband may attempt to harm you.
The idea of taking action against your husband might be frightening but no one deserves to be abused. Is there a chance to help your husband? The answer is yes, but you must act now. His violence towards you is escalating. That’s the normal pattern. And if it continues to follow the normal pattern, you will end up dead or hospitalized. The longer it goes unreported to the police, the longer it goes with him not getting treatment, the poorer are your chances of saving your marriage.
In order to make changes, you must act to protect yourself and your children. Please stay safe and take care.
Dr. Kristina Randle