My boyfriend and I are both 16 years old. We have been dating for about a year I broke up with him once because I just got out of a 3 year relationship and wasn’t ready to date again. But we got back together and he is so perfect to me he buys me whatever I want and treats me like I’ve never been treated before. When we fight he usually gets very upset and curses because he doesn’t want to lose me. We recently just found out his uncle was doing drugs and got into a bad fight because he was being distant and mean. I told him we needed a break and throughout the week he was very mean and pushed me twice. He’s never acted like this I think it was a lot on him at once. My mom has been in a previous abusive relationship and thinks it’s just going to get worse. He’s sent me flowers and a lot of apologies. He got in trouble with school and is still trying to be with me. He says he deserves the consequences and will do anything to be with me again. My mom will not let me talk to him. I love him and I want to be with him even if we’re not alone I want to be with him.
Your mom may have a point. I know you may not want to hear this — but your boyfriend pushing you and then having an elaborate apology doesn’t necessarily translate into him being changed. One of the consequences is that he does not get to come right back into a relationship with you.
There is no circumstance where his bad mood and shoving should be tolerated: No circumstance. Right now I would invest your time doing more activities with your friends — and not trying to help him so much. It sounds like he has a lot on his hands, and a lot to deal with. Let him deal with it. If your feelings for each other are genuine he will find a way to honor you — and not treat you so poorly that he pushes you. He has a lot of his own work to do first.
Dan Tomasulo Ph.D., TEP, MFA, MAPP teaches Positive Psychology in the graduate program of Counseling and Clinical Psychology at Columbia University, Teachers College and works with Martin Seligman, the Father of Positive Psychology in the Masters of Applied Positive Psychology (MAPP) program at the University of Pennsylvania. He is Director of the New York Certification in Positive Psychology for the Open Center in New York City and on faculty at New Jersey City University. Sharecare has honored him as one of the top 10 online influencers on the topic of depression. For more information go to: http://www.dare2behappy.com/. He also writes for Psych Central's Ask the Therapist column and the Proof Positive blog.
APA Reference Tomasulo, D. (2018). Mom Thinks My Boyfriend Is Abusive. Psych Central.
Retrieved on November 14, 2019, from https://psychcentral.com/ask-the-therapist/2014/11/09/mom-thinks-my-boyfriend-is-abusive/
Last updated: 8 May 2018 Last reviewed: By a member of our scientific advisory board on 8 May 2018 Published on Psych Central.com. All rights reserved.