First and foremost, it’s important that you know you’re not an “idiot.” Your letter makes perfect sense. You expressed your frustrations and struggles. I’m sorry that you are having these difficulties.
The problem with counseling might be that you are reluctant to say how you really feel. When clients withhold information in counseling, it is difficult for a therapist to be helpful. Clients withhold information for many reasons, commonly because they fear that the therapist will think negatively about them. Your unwillingness to be forthcoming will prolong your suffering therefore it’s in your best interest to talk about your true feelings.
Saying you want to die and that you hate your life are signs of someone who is suffering and who needs and wants help. Therapists train for many years so that they can help people with the very issues that you are facing. You might be feeling alone because you haven’t been open and sharing with your therapist. Try your hardest to tell your therapist what’s bothering you even if it’s difficult to vocalize. If the idea of vocalizing your feelings is too hard, then bring this letter to your therapist. It might be the start of a much-needed dialogue.
It’s important to realize that many people have felt the way you now do and that they have been helped by therapy. Life can be difficult but it does get better when you fully utilize the help that is available to you. Keeping things from your therapist and hiding your feelings, are ways of not fully utilizing your therapist. I hope that you will consider my advice. Please take care.
Dr. Kristina Randle