There may be people in London who drink “a lot” but certainly there are people in London who don’t drink at all. In fact, according to the National Health Service (NHS) statistics, there is less drinking done by Londoners than anywhere else in the country.
How much other people drink, relative to how much your boyfriend drinks, has no bearing on your relationship. The heart of the matter is this: your boyfriend has a drinking problem. It is clear that he shouldn’t drink. When he drinks he becomes abusive.
When people drink, their inhibitions decrease. They may do or say things that they would not normally do or say. You can’t teach him to drink and not become abusive; it is simply impossible. When he drinks he becomes abusive, which is precisely why he should not drink.
It’s good that you and he are in counseling. It is a very positive sign. It’s also a good sign that he was able to abstain from drinking since May. It may mean that he’s amenable to change. I would encourage you to continue counseling, for as long as it is needed, to come to a resolution about his drinking and the relationship.
Ultimately, if he is unwilling to stop drinking, then you may want to consider ending the relationship. If not, when he drinks you will be subjected to verbal abuse. Please take care.
Dr. Kristina Randle