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Thoughts of Suicide and a Little Bit of Something Else

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I’ve felt sad for the most part of my life. I could hardly remember a time I was happy. I’ve been having suicidal thoughts since I was a teenager. I’ve always felt this emptiness inside me that’s like a black hole sucking the life and energy I have. I used to think that it was just a phase, a phase a lot of teenagers go through. But as I get older, the feeling gets worse. Two years ago, I had a best friend who I stopped speaking to after a year of friendship. I don’t really know why we stopped talking but we just did, things were said and it’s quite impossible to take everything back. That best friend was the only person who understood what kind of sadness and emptiness and hopelessness I was feeling. After we stopped talking, I started noticing changes in me. I slept longer, I cared less about others and more to myself (some people thought I was too caring of others that I usually forget to put myself first), I started working more (longer hours, more workload) I went home early after a night out. Then the black hole of emptiness felt bigger, suicidal thoughts came more often, almost every night, I prayed to fall asleep at night and never wake up. I would imagine getting run over by a car while crossing the street, or falling down the stairs, or getting stabbed, and these suicidal thoughts made me want to know what is happening to me. So I searched the internet, I came across various disorders or something. Clinical depression, adult ADHD, bipolar disorder, and a lot more that I can’t remember. I keep figuring out what exactly is wrong with me but I keep trying to try tests online but I don’t think they’re accurate. I have a lot more words to describe how I feel and how I am doing but I’m afraid this message won’t reach anyone who would actually help. If it does, please, help me, I feel like I’m one really really bad day away to just giving up.

Thoughts of Suicide and a Little Bit of Something Else

Answered by on -

A.

Don’t give up. Let’s find out what these thoughts are about and the something else is. Your description of the symptoms sounds like it has been an ongoing struggle for a long time. Rather than attempt a self-diagnosis, I would encourage you to use a psychiatrist or clinical psychologist to get an accurate assessment and treatment protocol. You have obviously been coping with these thoughts on your own, and it is now time to have others help. Writing us here is a very good beginning.

It might seem hard to believe, but your thoughts and symptoms may be very treatable. With the right diagnosis and treatment plan you are likely to start feeling better. The find help tab at the top of this page can help you find one of these professionals in your area.

Wishing you patience and peace,
Dr. Dan
Proof Positive Blog @ PsychCentral

Thoughts of Suicide and a Little Bit of Something Else

Daniel J. Tomasulo, PhD, TEP, MFA, MAPP

Dan Tomasulo Ph.D., TEP, MFA, MAPP teaches Positive Psychology in the graduate program of Counseling and Clinical Psychology at Columbia University, Teachers College and works with Martin Seligman, the Father of Positive Psychology in the Masters of Applied Positive Psychology (MAPP) program at the University of Pennsylvania. He is Director of the New York Certification in Positive Psychology for the Open Center in New York City and on faculty at New Jersey City University. Sharecare has honored him as one of the top 10 online influencers on the topic of depression. For more information go to: http://www.dare2behappy.com/. He also writes for Psych Central's Ask the Therapist column and the Proof Positive blog.

APA Reference
Tomasulo, D. (2018). Thoughts of Suicide and a Little Bit of Something Else. Psych Central. Retrieved on May 26, 2019, from https://psychcentral.com/ask-the-therapist/2014/11/02/thoughts-of-suicide-and-a-little-bit-of-something-else/
Scientifically Reviewed
Last updated: 8 May 2018
Last reviewed: By a member of our scientific advisory board on 8 May 2018
Published on Psych Central.com. All rights reserved.