I took all the tests and most of them say I’m depressed. But I don’t feel sad! I have a nice family and I get good grades. I’m homeschooled so I have no bullying problems or self hate problems. But I get suicidal. I have moments where I fantasize about killing my family and then myself. And I always just want to be alone. I hate going out places, but I’m not afraid of people. I just don’t like socializing. All my siblings friends know me as quiet because I don’t like speaking a lot. I don’t like talking. I usually never come out of my room unless it’s necessary or I’m forced to. Whenever I get angry and think about killing myself, I feel weak because I’m never able go through with it. Every time I cry I tell myself the tears make me stronger until I’ll be able to kill myself one day. But I’m not sad. I feel angry because very thing nice happens to everyone else and not me, which makes me feel hopeless. Sorry about the haphazard way this is written. Is this just teenage hormones? And if it’s not, how do I approach my parents about this?! (age 14, from US)I Don’t Know if I’m Depressed
I Don’t Know if I’m Depressed
A: Sadness is only one symptom of depression, and to clarify, sadness is a normal emotion that everyone can feel while depression is a clinical disorder that can be treated. The fact that you think about killing yourself so regularly is a serious problem that you need to get help for. In addition to thoughts of suicide (and homicide) you isolate yourself from others, cry, feel angry and hopeless … which are all signs of depression.
Teenage hormonal fluctuations can certainly play a large role in affecting mood but what you are describing here seems more serious than that. I suggest that you speak to your parents immediately and be very honest. You could show them your letter and my response if you are having difficulties expressing yourself. Teenage suicide happens way too frequently, and I don’t want you to be another victim. Please get help from a mental health professional. Your school counselor, doctor or your medical insurance provider can help you find a therapist and/or psychiatrist.
All the best,
Dr. Holly Counts