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My Boyfriend Is Secretive about His Finances

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From the U.S.: I’m having reservations about marrying my boyfriend because of his secrecy of his financial situation. After 2 years in our relationship, my boyfriend asked if I wanted to get married. I have thought about it but we seem so far away on many things such as knowing each others financial situations. So my response was that we’d have to talk about some things first, with a counselor.

Now, he does know my exact situation, but I have no idea where he stands. I do know (by accident) that he sends money to his last ‘live in’ girlfriend anytime she asks. We live together and he pays the bills. Nice…I know, but, shouldn’t I know these things? I mean my one and only marriage of 29 years was a total open book policy with finances and spending. Am I asking too much from an older potential husband with X’s? Should he be allowed to have his privacy in this area? And what should I say when he asks me about my bank account or spending?

I’m inexperienced at this type of situation since my last lengthy marriage just evolved into trust and total disclosure.
Thank you

My Boyfriend Is Secretive about His Finances

Answered by on -

A.

I’m glad you are asking this question. Marriage is fundamentally different from a live-in relationship. Married, you two would become financially as well as emotionally entangled. Your assets and debts become his and his become yours. So — no, I don’t think you are asking too much. It seems only appropriate to me that you know what you are getting into.

You said that you suggested working with a counselor to help the two of you negotiate the practical aspects of marriage. It’s a good idea. This issue is too important to ignore if you are indeed thinking about tying the knot.

I wish you well.
Dr. Marie

My Boyfriend Is Secretive about His Finances

Dr. Marie Hartwell-Walker

Dr. Marie is licensed as both a psychologist and marriage and family counselor. She specializes in couples and family therapy and parent education. Follow her on Facebook or Twitter.

APA Reference
Hartwell-Walker, D. (2018). My Boyfriend Is Secretive about His Finances. Psych Central. Retrieved on March 24, 2019, from https://psychcentral.com/ask-the-therapist/2014/10/29/my-boyfriend-is-secretive-about-his-finances/
Scientifically Reviewed
Last updated: 8 May 2018
Last reviewed: By a member of our scientific advisory board on 8 May 2018
Published on Psych Central.com. All rights reserved.