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I Am Trying to Save My Marriage

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From the U.S. I’m 33 and I have a few issues. The worst one I have is lack of control over my anger. I have said some things to my wife that I am ashamed of. My family has told me that it was out of anger, but whether that’s true or not, what I said to her was unacceptable on any level. Because of my anger issues, when my wife asks me a question or makes a statement to me, she feels that when I respond to her, I have a an attitude, or I am edgy in my responses. I have been doing research on how to manage my anger and try to gain control over it. But the lack of support is making it difficult.

I Am Trying to Save My Marriage

Answered by on -

A.

I’m assuming you are asking for some direction. If you could have dealt with your anger on your own, you would have done so already. There is nothing wrong with feelings. They tell us that something is wrong and needs to be addressed. The problem is that your way of dealing with your anger is jeopardizing your relationship with your wife. Anger is no excuse for saying horrid things to people you love.

There are a number of possible explanations for your bursts of negative emotion.

  • There could be good reasons for your feelings that you are unaware of. Since you aren’t dealing with them, they come out inappropriately.
  • You may have never learned how to manage your feelings appropriately. Again, it’s fine to be angry. What isn’t fine is how you are expressing it.
  • You may have grown up with poor models for managing intense feelings.
  • You may have Intermittent Explosive Disorder: Angry feelings that come out of the blue and that you feel you can’t control.
  • And there may be another reason that you can identify with some help.

This is your problem to solve. I know it would be helpful to have support, but if you’ve hurt your wife with your angry episodes it may be a lot to ask of her right now. Please consider seeing a therapist to help you identify the cause of the anger and to get some practical help and support for learning how to deal with it productively. With some good effort on your part, you can learn more appropriate ways to manage your feelings and you can heal your relationship with your wife.

I wish you well.
Dr. Marie

I Am Trying to Save My Marriage

Dr. Marie Hartwell-Walker

Dr. Marie is licensed as both a psychologist and marriage and family counselor. She specializes in couples and family therapy and parent education. Follow her on Facebook or Twitter.

APA Reference
Hartwell-Walker, D. (2018). I Am Trying to Save My Marriage. Psych Central. Retrieved on May 22, 2019, from https://psychcentral.com/ask-the-therapist/2014/10/24/i-am-trying-to-save-my-marriage/
Scientifically Reviewed
Last updated: 8 May 2018
Last reviewed: By a member of our scientific advisory board on 8 May 2018
Published on Psych Central.com. All rights reserved.