From Dubai: I was engaged to someone I love for a year; I love him so much and couldn’t imagine my life without him. I have struggled a lot emotionally due to the loss of my father last year and he was supportive and always there, but for some reason he constantly quizzes me and doesn’t have any trust in me. He says that I have to earn it and I have absolutely done EVERYTHING and risked many things, as my culture doesn’t allow me to. He will question me on everything and I have to prove everything he has doubt in. for example if I had another line on the phone he will ask me to capture the screen for him to make sure if I was telling the truth. I work in an office all by myself but he gets very paranoid and insecure wondering what I do. I’m not aloud to drive, he wants me to leave my job and I cant hangout with any of my friends, the conclusion is while I’m not around him he loses his trust he just wants to keep me under his eye and under control. I got used to him a lot and I was very patient with him but now I had to breakup bcoz I couldn’t handle. In addition, I’m finding it very hard to cope as I have got used to him he was honestly the only person I was with 24/7 yet I couldn’t impress him. plz help and advice me if what I did was good for me. Thank You.
The kind of jealousy that your boyfriend is displaying needs to be dealt with sooner rather than later. You’re right that it’s out of control, inappropriate, and for you to have left.
Men who are trying to control their women at that level are operating out of a profound level of insecurity. This insecurity and jealousy and Are being dealt with by trying to control you. You do not want to be with someone like this.
Don’t make the mistake many women in your position make by going back thinking it will get better. It doesn’t — not without a lot of emotional work and therapy on the man’s part. For future relationships or if you do decide to go back to this one, I would be very clear about the fact that if you wanted to cheat on him nothing he does is going to stop that: Trusting each other is the only thing that will work.
Dan Tomasulo Ph.D., TEP, MFA, MAPP teaches Positive Psychology in the graduate program of Counseling and Clinical Psychology at Columbia University, Teachers College and works with Martin Seligman, the Father of Positive Psychology in the Masters of Applied Positive Psychology (MAPP) program at the University of Pennsylvania. He is Director of the New York Certification in Positive Psychology for the Open Center in New York City and on faculty at New Jersey City University. Sharecare has honored him as one of the top 10 online influencers on the topic of depression. For more information go to: http://www.dare2behappy.com/. He also writes for Psych Central's Ask the Therapist column and the Proof Positive blog.
APA Reference Tomasulo, D. (2018). Relationship Recovery. Psych Central.
Retrieved on November 20, 2019, from https://psychcentral.com/ask-the-therapist/2014/10/21/relationship-recovery/
Last updated: 8 May 2018 (Originally: 21 Oct 2014) Last reviewed: By a member of our scientific advisory board on 8 May 2018 Published on Psych Central.com. All rights reserved.