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My Boyfriend May Be Lying to Me

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My boyfriend of almost a year. (My first serious relationship) I’ve had some suspicions that he has been lying too me about things. Not huge things but a lie is a lie. So one day we were talking and I told him I knew he was lying about something and he got super defensive and started acting nervous and asked me if I was lying about something (which I do have a bit of a history lying to him about things but I don’t anymore) and then he started to get super emotional and started to shake and have a panic attack so I kind of backed off on him, and then his phone started ringing and it was his mom so I went to his room to get his phone and came back and he had pretty much completely stopped shaking, and then I said I’m sorry for accusing you of lying I shouldn’t have, and then we hugged and he made me some food but the whole time he felt sick and he was gagging really hard and said he felt like he was going to throw up. However, we just went on like it was a normal day and he got better. I know how good of a liar he is because he lies to his parents a lot, and my parents, which don’t like him and they have told me that themselves, but sometimes I feel like he is just being a really good actor or liar. However, he does all these nice things for me and treats me so special and loves me and I don’t want to accuse him of lying when he really isn’t and ruin our relationship… I just am so torn and I don’t know how to handle this.

My Boyfriend May Be Lying to Me

Answered by on -

A.

Thank you for sending this to us. The chances are extremely good that you’re right about his lying. His overreaction seems to validate your concern.

In a first relationship, both people are testing the limits of their commitment to each other. I would keep calling him on his lying and if he can’t mature — choose someone who is more authentic.

Wishing you patience and peace,
Dr. Dan
Proof Positive Blog @ PsychCentral

My Boyfriend May Be Lying to Me

Daniel J. Tomasulo, PhD, TEP, MFA, MAPP

Dan Tomasulo Ph.D., TEP, MFA, MAPP teaches Positive Psychology in the graduate program of Counseling and Clinical Psychology at Columbia University, Teachers College and works with Martin Seligman, the Father of Positive Psychology in the Masters of Applied Positive Psychology (MAPP) program at the University of Pennsylvania. He is Director of the New York Certification in Positive Psychology for the Open Center in New York City and on faculty at New Jersey City University. Sharecare has honored him as one of the top 10 online influencers on the topic of depression. For more information go to: http://www.dare2behappy.com/. He also writes for Psych Central's Ask the Therapist column and the Proof Positive blog.

APA Reference
Tomasulo, D. (2018). My Boyfriend May Be Lying to Me. Psych Central. Retrieved on November 14, 2019, from https://psychcentral.com/ask-the-therapist/2014/10/19/my-boyfriend-may-be-lying-to-me/
Scientifically Reviewed
Last updated: 8 May 2018
Last reviewed: By a member of our scientific advisory board on 8 May 2018
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