You are certainly in a difficult position, but I think the most important thing is to honor your feelings about it all. It sounds like you and your husband have been through a great deal together and have weathered the storms, so it is certainly worth continuing to fight for the marriage. However, there may be a point in time in which your need to protect your children out weighs your desire to keep the marriage together. Your husband is responsible for his own behavior, just as you are responsible for yours. You are not “allowing” him to use and you are not condoning it either.
Not only am I concerned that he is addicted at this point, I am also concerned that he admitted that he does it to numb his feelings. Daily use is not recreational use. You deserve a partner and a co-parent. Your children deserve a father who is mentally and emotionally present. He can’t be either of these if he is using drugs on a daily basis. I also think your concerns about specialists being in your home and possibly witnessing something and reporting it are valid. That being said, I believe that it is time to amp up your confrontation of your husband’s behaviors and demand that he either get treatment, or leave the home until he can get his priorities straightened out. I also think you could both benefit from couple’s therapy, not just regarding this issue, but for everything that you have mentioned.
All the best,
Dr. Holly Counts