I am so very sorry for your loss. It sounds as if your husband had a great many problems that were very long-standing and he kept you in the dark about many of them. You did not cause his death. Being honest about your feelings and the relationship would be what was necessary in any healthy relationship.
Just like you weren’t able to heal things when they were not okay — you did not make things worse by telling the truth. Again, I am very sorry for your loss, but your husband made decisions that hid his problems, and he seemed unable to be available and open to you for a full relationship.
I would begin seeing an individual counselor for grief counseling. Find help him with the top of the page will help you find someone in your area. This is the time for working through the sadness and grief, and eventually sorting through some of the reasons that kept you in a relationship with a number of unaddressed problems.
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