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My Boyfriend Won’t Have Sex with Me

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I’ve been seeing my boyfriend about a year and a half now and I love him very much but he never wants to have sex with me. When we first met, we couldn’t keep our hands off each other but over time it not only slowed down, it completely stopped. Even when we were having sex, he had never once orgasmic. He is 18 years my senior, and I’ve tried to talk to him as supportively as possible about the issue but he completely shuts down. If he has physical or emotional issues that, cause this but its really starting to hurt our relationship. I don’t know what to do or how to address it with him in a way that won’t make him feel ashamed or embarrassed but I miss him and I’m extremely frustrated. I want him to know I love him no matter what; I just want to understand the issue. I feel like he’s just not attracted to me anymore, but he tells me thats crazy… please help!

My Boyfriend Won’t Have Sex with Me

Answered by on -


Thank you for sharing this important and delicate issue.

This is very important because if the physical relationship is already strained you’ll want to repair it sooner rather than later. Whatever the issue: physical, emotional, stress related, etc., it needs to be sorted through and understood. I highly recommend couples therapy. At the top of the page I hope you find someone in your area. I wouldn’t wait. This kind of issue between couples needs to be addressed as soon as possible.

Wishing you patience and peace,
Dr. Dan
Proof Positive Blog @ PsychCentral

My Boyfriend Won’t Have Sex with Me

Daniel J. Tomasulo, PhD, TEP, MFA, MAPP

Dan Tomasulo Ph.D., TEP, MFA, MAPP teaches Positive Psychology in the graduate program of Counseling and Clinical Psychology at Columbia University, Teachers College and works with Martin Seligman, the Father of Positive Psychology in the Masters of Applied Positive Psychology (MAPP) program at the University of Pennsylvania. He is Director of the New York Certification in Positive Psychology for the Open Center in New York City and on faculty at New Jersey City University. Sharecare has honored him as one of the top 10 online influencers on the topic of depression. For more information go to: He also writes for Psych Central's Ask the Therapist column and the Proof Positive blog.

APA Reference
Tomasulo, D. (2018). My Boyfriend Won’t Have Sex with Me. Psych Central. Retrieved on May 23, 2019, from
Scientifically Reviewed
Last updated: 8 May 2018
Last reviewed: By a member of our scientific advisory board on 8 May 2018
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