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After 10 Months Boyfriend Won’t Spend Time with My Kids

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I met my boyfriend about a year ago. He was coming out of a bad 6 month relationship. To start I need to say, from what he has told me, he has been scared from almost every relationship. Even his parents. When I met him he was down and out. No job. (Has one now) With no hope. He has ADHD since he was a kid and hasn’t been on meds for a couple years. He’s stuck in his old ways and stuck in the past. He has a 14 year old son, good kid and I’ve spent time with him numerous times. Problem is, when I invite my BF for dinner with me and my kids he says no because in his past kids get attached and things don’t work out. The kids get hurt. My girls are 15 and 13. They have met him a few times in passing that’s it. He says he has his own selfish reasons why he won’t. This is a constant argument. I say put the past in the past and move forward.

After 10 Months Boyfriend Won’t Spend Time with My Kids

Answered by on -

A.

I wouldn’t push him. You will win the battle and lose the war. Let him know you understand his concern — and look forward to the day he feels he can spend some time with your girls. I would let it happen more organically, perhaps meeting briefly from time to time — perhaps even out of the house. It is important to honor your boyfriend’s past, while letting him know you are hoping he can transcend it.

Wishing you patience and peace,
Dr. Dan
Proof Positive Blog @ PsychCentral

After 10 Months Boyfriend Won’t Spend Time with My Kids

Daniel J. Tomasulo, PhD, TEP, MFA, MAPP

Dan Tomasulo Ph.D., TEP, MFA, MAPP teaches Positive Psychology in the graduate program of Counseling and Clinical Psychology at Columbia University, Teachers College and works with Martin Seligman, the Father of Positive Psychology in the Masters of Applied Positive Psychology (MAPP) program at the University of Pennsylvania. He is Director of the New York Certification in Positive Psychology for the Open Center in New York City and on faculty at New Jersey City University. Sharecare has honored him as one of the top 10 online influencers on the topic of depression. For more information go to: http://www.dare2behappy.com/. He also writes for Psych Central's Ask the Therapist column and the Proof Positive blog.

APA Reference
Tomasulo, D. (2018). After 10 Months Boyfriend Won’t Spend Time with My Kids. Psych Central. Retrieved on March 22, 2019, from https://psychcentral.com/ask-the-therapist/2014/09/29/after-10-months-boyfriend-wont-spend-time-with-my-kids/
Scientifically Reviewed
Last updated: 8 May 2018
Last reviewed: By a member of our scientific advisory board on 8 May 2018
Published on Psych Central.com. All rights reserved.