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My Boyfriend Uses Me

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I woke up today to my boyfriend forcing himself inside of me, it’s not the first time. When it happens I don’t say or do anything, if I did he would only make it hurt more. He seems to get off on my physical pain, the emotional pain is hidden better. I know that what he is doing to me is wrong, and it makes me feel violated, but at the same time I feel like if he didn’t do this to me it would mean that he didn’t love me anymore. There has to be something wrong with me, to hate and yet love being used like this, being caused pain on purpose for someone else’s pleasure. How is it possible that I hate it and like it at the same time?

My Boyfriend Uses Me

Answered by on -


What you are describing is rape. You are right: It’s wrong. Your boyfriend is using force and threat of more hurt to make you have sex on his terms. This isn’t love. This is control.

I don’t know what has happened to you in your life that you would like it. But, unless there are significant changes in your sex life, continuing this relationship is only going to hurt you more. I strongly urge you to talk to a therapist. I can’t offer more help on the basis of so little information. A therapist can listen to your whole story and help you sort out why you put up with this and what you should do about it.

I wish you well.
Dr. Marie

My Boyfriend Uses Me

Dr. Marie Hartwell-Walker

Dr. Marie is licensed as both a psychologist and marriage and family counselor. She specializes in couples and family therapy and parent education. Follow her on Facebook or Twitter.

APA Reference
Hartwell-Walker, D. (2018). My Boyfriend Uses Me. Psych Central. Retrieved on March 24, 2019, from
Scientifically Reviewed
Last updated: 8 May 2018
Last reviewed: By a member of our scientific advisory board on 8 May 2018
Published on Psych All rights reserved.