From Germany: I’ve been feeling like I was robbed of control over my life by my ex-girlfriend made me avoid sex with all women. About 5 years ago, about a month after breaking up with my ex-girlfriend, she contacted me to let me know she took a pregnancy test and that she was pregnant with my child. We didn’t use condoms, as she was on the pill, and I had no reason to disbelieve it. When we were still together, she herself decided that it was too early for children and that she would have an abortion, should anything like this happen. Now, however, she told me she wanted to keep it.
I felt like I had lost all control of my life and future and it was the first (and fortunately last) time in my life, I ever thought about suicide, additionally so because I felt and still feel like it was my fault for being so stupid as to trust her that she would take the pill. The next 24 hours, before I could see her, were the longest and hardest of my life. Once I saw her again, I had her take three separate tests from three different brands, and they were all negative.
While I was ecstatic at the result, something changed in me. Before, I was a trusting guy with a healthy libido. After, I am extremely mistrustful towards women and often can’t even get/keep an erection, unless I really trust a woman. While I realize that having sex only with women I trust would be a generally good idea — and I was never one for flings anyway — it is killing me that with every new woman that likes me and whom I like, there’s a good chance I won’t be able to have sex with her for sometimes weeks or even months. It has come so far that I often just try to avoid sex altogether, because not being able to please her like that makes me feel like a failure, and me being good at oral sex doesn’t improve the situation one bit.
I feel like my subconscious is trying to protect me and itself from ever going through something like those 24 hours of absolute uncertainty ever again, but I don’t want this to have such a big impact on my life. It’s like I can’t process the memory enough to get over it. I have tried confronting her multiple times over the years, but she just claims it was a honest mistake — a false positive.