From Canada: Ok, I really don’t know what to do. I’ve been losing time. It started two years ago, but it would only be for a few minutes. It’s gotten worse lately. It could be anywhere from a few minutes to a few hours. I’m a 23 year old male and I live on my own.
Recently, I’ve woken up twice with strange marks on my body, the first time it was deep scratch marks on my left arm. The second time they were on my neck, starting from the back of my neck, like I dug my nails in my skin and pulled downwards. I know I don’t remember doing this.
I would sometimes wake up in clothes I don’t remember putting on, or sometimes I would “come to” in the middle of the day, like when I was just standing there. I don’t like to go out because I’m afraid of losing track of myself. I used to talk to a therapist regularly, but I never told her about this.
When I was younger, I had some problems growing up. I have a hard time admitting this, but even though I’m a male, I was forcibly raped at 13. I hate it, it’s been a decade but I can’t forget it.
The idea of self-harm scares me. I used to have a problem with it, and an obsession with death, a few years back. I don’t know what to do.I Keep Losing Time
I Keep Losing Time
I can’t make a diagnosis on the basis of a short letter, of course. But I can tell you that what you are reporting may indicate that you are experiencing the symptoms of Dissociative Identity Disorder (DID). This is one way that people who suffer sexual abuse protect themselves.
Please go back to your therapist and take your letter with you to show her. I assure you, your therapist won’t be shocked by your experience and won’t judge you. What she may be able to do is help you sort through your feelings so that you can face them and deal with them as your conscious self. By processing your feelings, you will learn to stay present and you will free yourself of your thoughts of self-harm and death.
Please give your therapist the opportunity to help you. She can only work with what you give her. You can only benefit from your work with her by digging deep and being as honest as you know how to be. You are worth the effort.
I wish you well.