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Boyfriend/Relationship Issue

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Hello, I just want to give you background of where the issues began. My boyfriend and I have only been officially together for about 6 months but started dating/sleeping together a year and half ago. Last September we were going to start taking it to the next level of a committed relationship. But about a month later I had this horrible feeling and went through his phone. I know it was wrong but I knew something wasn’t right and I found text messages between him and 2 of his female friends basically bashing me. One of the texts stated he was out with me that night because he needed a designated driver and others he was telling both of the females he doesn’t want to be in a relationship with me. He apologized a million times I ended up forgiving him and this past March he brought up to me about being in a committed relationship. Since March it’s been mostly happy but when we fight and he’s angry, he can get real mean. He’ll call me a stupid bitch, or that I’m a crazy bitch, etc… and one time he even told me to go kill myself. After we talk everything over he always says sorry he didn’t mean it he was just angry and so on. And a couple times bought me my favorite candy to make it up to me. I recently was on vacation last week and we got into a fight about him going out to the bar one of the nights. He had promised me that night specific night he was not going to go out but did anyway. We made up the next day and everything was fine until last night when he was text messaging one of the same female friends I mentioned above in October(not the one he doesn’t talk to anymore, the other one) while we were out. I’m sort of friends with her too so we were reading the texts together when she asks “How did the Colleen situation go? Are you guys still together?” I asked him what she was talking about and he kept saying he didn’t know. I said well then ask her, and he said no. And finally after a few of those back and forth he asked what situation And ended up scrolling through his texts from last week with her to find that the day we were fighting he was bashing on me to her again. He said I was nuts, a head case and saying I freak out every time we are apart because I have trust issues( there were lots of swear words in the texts) And her being on his side said what does she expect you to do sit around and twiddle your thumbs asking if he still wanted to be with me and what he was going to do. He said he didn’t know and said maybe he’ll go find a drunk girl(was really a swear word). But then after a few texts he said he really wouldn’t do that. He knows I don’t like when he tells his friends about our fights and problems because I think those should be between the 2 in the relationship and not an outsider. And he always says he doesn’t because he knows I don’t like it but after seeing that last night, I’m not sure I believe him. I can see if he wants to get advice from a friend or vent a little bit but the way he does it, doesn’t seem right to me. Hopefully you can help me understand or help on what I need to do.

Boyfriend/Relationship Issue

Answered by on -

A.

I am so sorry that your boyfriend has said these things about you and has called you names. It doesn’t sound as if he has your best interests at heart. Calling you names, continuing to lie to you and bashing you on texts isn’t what you want in a relationship. His apologies don’t mean very much if he simply goes and does it again. You may want to rethink this relationship and find some support through therapy as you do. The find help tab at the top of this page can help you find someone in your area.

Wishing you patience and peace,
Dr. Dan
Proof Positive Blog @ PsychCentral

Boyfriend/Relationship Issue

Daniel J. Tomasulo, PhD, TEP, MFA, MAPP

Dan Tomasulo Ph.D., TEP, MFA, MAPP teaches Positive Psychology in the graduate program of Counseling and Clinical Psychology at Columbia University, Teachers College and works with Martin Seligman, the Father of Positive Psychology in the Masters of Applied Positive Psychology (MAPP) program at the University of Pennsylvania. He is Director of the New York Certification in Positive Psychology for the Open Center in New York City and on faculty at New Jersey City University. Sharecare has honored him as one of the top 10 online influencers on the topic of depression. For more information go to: http://www.dare2behappy.com/. He also writes for Psych Central's Ask the Therapist column and the Proof Positive blog.

APA Reference
Tomasulo, D. (2018). Boyfriend/Relationship Issue. Psych Central. Retrieved on March 22, 2019, from https://psychcentral.com/ask-the-therapist/2014/09/12/boyfriendrelationship-issue/
Scientifically Reviewed
Last updated: 8 May 2018
Last reviewed: By a member of our scientific advisory board on 8 May 2018
Published on Psych Central.com. All rights reserved.