When I was a teenager I vowed to myself and God to remain a virgin until I was married so I could save myself for the man that I am supposed to spend forever with. Well I am in a relationship now and about 4 weeks ago we slipped up and had sex. I felt pressured from him and was tired of saying no and that was the only reason I gave in. Afterwards we cried together and prayed and he promised me it would never happen again and that we would wait. Well, about two weeks later we found ourselves in the same situation again and I had to be the bigger person to stop and say no we aren’t doing this. I was completely shocked that he had promised me we wouldn’t be put in that situation again, but yet he allowed that to happen knowing how I feel about it. So my question is what should I do? Should I leave him or give him another chance? How do you gain trust back on an issue that is so important?
Both of you made the decision to have sex the first time. You saying that you tried to say no but said yes doesn’t mean the accountability falls to him. Both of you need to take responsibility for what happened and what happened two weeks later. Trust works both ways and the fact that you and he both broke your own rules and that he asked again doesn’t mean that this is solely on his side of the coin.
Since you have such strong feelings and this man wants a relationship with you I would recommend the two of you meet with a couples counselor who shares your religious beliefs and counsels according to that doctrine. I believe a few sessions will help to realign the direction of your relationship through mutual trust.
Dan Tomasulo Ph.D., TEP, MFA, MAPP teaches Positive Psychology in the graduate program of Counseling and Clinical Psychology at Columbia University, Teachers College and works with Martin Seligman, the Father of Positive Psychology in the Masters of Applied Positive Psychology (MAPP) program at the University of Pennsylvania. He is Director of the New York Certification in Positive Psychology for the Open Center in New York City and on faculty at New Jersey City University. Sharecare has honored him as one of the top 10 online influencers on the topic of depression. For more information go to: http://www.dare2behappy.com/. He also writes for Psych Central's Ask the Therapist column and the Proof Positive blog.
APA Reference Tomasulo, D. (2018). Relationship Issue. Psych Central.
Retrieved on May 24, 2019, from https://psychcentral.com/ask-the-therapist/2014/09/09/relationship-issue-4/
Last updated: 8 May 2018 Last reviewed: By a member of our scientific advisory board on 8 May 2018 Published on Psych Central.com. All rights reserved.