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Boyfriend’s Controlling Mother

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I have been in a relationship for four years now and I am at my breaking point. him and his mother have this relationship that isn’t normal every time I’m around she always makes sure to tell him that she loves him more then anyone else she controls everything he does we can’t do half the crap we want to b/c she wont let him. If were at a family function she wont even acknowledge me, but when its her and him she puts on this fake act and says she loves me. Recently we were at a family function and she had everyone else in pictures but I wasn’t allowed even their friends and he doesn’t say a thing. If I mention his mom he fights with me. Tonight for instance we were suppose to hangout he got off early I didn’t hear from him so after an hour I hit him up he ignored my call told me to relax he was out. Another hour and a half goes by and he was with his mom. Every time we have plans she calls him and tells him he has to go see her and he ditches me.

Boyfriend’s Controlling Mother

Answered by on -

A.

Thank you for your question. This doesn’t sound promising because his behavior with his mother is so pervasive. I think if I were you I would put my cards on the table. Let him know that at some point he needs to make a decision — and that you are not feeling he is investing enough in the relationship. Make this a very clear statement without ultimatums — but with the sense that things have to change.

I’d also create a timeline to hope for these changes. Thirty to ninety days seems right.

Wishing you patience and peace,
Dr. Dan
Proof Positive Blog @ PsychCentral

Boyfriend’s Controlling Mother

Daniel J. Tomasulo, PhD, TEP, MFA, MAPP

Dan Tomasulo Ph.D., TEP, MFA, MAPP teaches Positive Psychology in the graduate program of Counseling and Clinical Psychology at Columbia University, Teachers College and works with Martin Seligman, the Father of Positive Psychology in the Masters of Applied Positive Psychology (MAPP) program at the University of Pennsylvania. He is Director of the New York Certification in Positive Psychology for the Open Center in New York City and on faculty at New Jersey City University. Sharecare has honored him as one of the top 10 online influencers on the topic of depression. For more information go to: http://www.dare2behappy.com/. He also writes for Psych Central's Ask the Therapist column and the Proof Positive blog.

APA Reference
Tomasulo, D. (2018). Boyfriend’s Controlling Mother. Psych Central. Retrieved on March 23, 2019, from https://psychcentral.com/ask-the-therapist/2014/08/31/boyfriends-controlling-mother/
Scientifically Reviewed
Last updated: 8 May 2018
Last reviewed: By a member of our scientific advisory board on 8 May 2018
Published on Psych Central.com. All rights reserved.