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Depressed Boyfriend Shutting Me Out

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I’ve been dating a guy for about 6 months. We had such a connection we jumped right into a relationship. Things were amazing, we communicated well, had fun together and were attracted to one another. We had similar interests and goals.

But he is going through a very stressful time right now and fell into a depressive state. He’s struggled with depression before. He keeps trying to end the relationship because he can’t feel anything right now, but I know he cares for me. I think he is stressed out and depressed and it’s affecting his whole life and his feelings for me. I want to help but know I’m not qualified.

I told him he needs to just take time to himself and see his therapist and think this through. That ending the relationship because he doesn’t want to hurt me isn’t the same as ending it because he doesn’t want to be with me. I’m scared, but I know he does like me and is just lost right now.

Is there anything I can do? Or am I making it worse for him?

Depressed Boyfriend Shutting Me Out

Answered by on -


You’re asking a very good question. I don’t think it is worth it to push him. If he wants to end the relationship, and you persuade him not to he will find a way to sabotage it. You may want to reach a compromise. Perhaps a month off to see if he improves in some way. But if after a month there is little or no change I think it would be time to move on.

Wishing you patience and peace,
Dr. Dan
Proof Positive Blog @ PsychCentral

Depressed Boyfriend Shutting Me Out

Daniel J. Tomasulo, PhD, TEP, MFA, MAPP

Dan Tomasulo Ph.D., TEP, MFA, MAPP teaches Positive Psychology in the graduate program of Counseling and Clinical Psychology at Columbia University, Teachers College and works with Martin Seligman, the Father of Positive Psychology in the Masters of Applied Positive Psychology (MAPP) program at the University of Pennsylvania. He is Director of the New York Certification in Positive Psychology for the Open Center in New York City and on faculty at New Jersey City University. Sharecare has honored him as one of the top 10 online influencers on the topic of depression. For more information go to: He also writes for Psych Central's Ask the Therapist column and the Proof Positive blog.

APA Reference
Tomasulo, D. (2018). Depressed Boyfriend Shutting Me Out. Psych Central. Retrieved on May 24, 2019, from
Scientifically Reviewed
Last updated: 8 May 2018
Last reviewed: By a member of our scientific advisory board on 8 May 2018
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