Since whatever did or didn’t happen is months ago, reporting now is unlikely to be helpful — unless you have strong evidence about who might have hurt her. If that ‘s the case, it’s never too late to get police involvement. But if you don’t have that kind of evidence, your focus should be on doing what you can to understand and protect your daughter now.
The daycare people are correct. What you report is within the range of normal. Little children often find that standing over streaming water or touching their genitals feels good so they will explore those feelings now and then. Kids who are abused, on the other hand, often get obsessive about it.
I think there are two things you can do to help ease your own torment. First, make an appointment with a counselor who is experienced with family issues and young children. You neeed a sounding board for your concerns and some support for dealing with your own feelings.
Secondly, you can inoculate your child to some extent from future abuse by teaching her about “good touch” and “bad touch” and making sure she understands that only her caregivers and medical people are allowed to touch her private parts. There are good children’s books available to help you. Keep the conversation matter-of-fact and friendly. Make sure she knows she can talk to you about difficult things without getting you terribly upset. She needs to know you are there for her if she ever needs you.
As much as we might want to, we can’t protect our children 24/7 but we can help them (even at age 3) begin to understand how to protect themselves.
I wish you well.