I really hope I get an answer because it’ll go a long way to help me out in life. And in my part of the world therapy isn’t too common so life’s problems are blamed on several other weird stuff. I am 21 and it feels like my life’s crash down already. I got admitted into the university, everyone in my humble home had high hopes for me. I aced all my entry exams and got admitted with 2 scholarships. In my first year in school all seemed well, then I got myself involved with a girl. I did love her very much. I still do. But she left me. Though it wasn’t said to my face all indications pointed to the fact that I couldn’t treat her right or take care of her. I was devastated when she left. Around that time my Uni grades became horribly bad. So bad I knew I’d get 2 extra years in a 5-year course when I was in my second year. After a difficult job of pulling myself together. I found my self involved with another girl who had similar problems with mine. Her boyfriend was ‘mean’ to her & she felt she deserved better. I thought I was moving on only to realize I was just being used to forget the ‘mean ex’ or make the ‘mean ex’ jealous. 2 heartbreaks? Funny thing is sometimes I feel that’s the least of my problems. My biggest problem is graduating and making my parents smile once again. I’ve been thinking if disappearing for a awhile will help? I don’t want anybody thinking about me. I just want to be left alone. The first girl claims she misses me and the second girl seems comfortable with just the sex. I just want to be left alone … Is it normal? Will disappearing help?
My suggestion would be to keep your eyes on the prize. Disappearing takes time away from your goal. This is a time in your life when you want to start attaining goals that you have set for yourself and completing your work at the University sounds like the most important thing in front of you. You want to be thinking about your needs and goals and prioritizing your own self care.
What also seems clear for right now is that these two relationships became overwhelming for you emotionally. This may not be the best timing in life to try and balance a serious relationship with your studies.
I would set my priorities so that you can accomplish your goal of completing your work at the university. After that you may want to look for more intimate connection with someone.
Dan Tomasulo Ph.D., TEP, MFA, MAPP teaches Positive Psychology in the graduate program of Counseling and Clinical Psychology at Columbia University, Teachers College and works with Martin Seligman, the Father of Positive Psychology in the Masters of Applied Positive Psychology (MAPP) program at the University of Pennsylvania. He is Director of the New York Certification in Positive Psychology for the Open Center in New York City and on faculty at New Jersey City University. Sharecare has honored him as one of the top 10 online influencers on the topic of depression. For more information go to: http://www.dare2behappy.com/. He also writes for Psych Central's Ask the Therapist column and the Proof Positive blog.
APA Reference Tomasulo, D. (2018). I’m Not Happy. Psych Central.
Retrieved on November 14, 2019, from https://psychcentral.com/ask-the-therapist/2014/08/25/im-not-happy/
Last updated: 8 May 2018 Last reviewed: By a member of our scientific advisory board on 8 May 2018 Published on Psych Central.com. All rights reserved.