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Can’t Fall Asleep with Anyone But My Ex

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I have difficulties falling asleep when in bed with someone else. It has occurred with a handful of different men in different beds. I will either sleep for one or two hours or not at all. This has happened consistently for over four years all for the exception of my ex-boyfriend. I would be able to sleep with him no problem and in various beds. What allows me to sleep with him but no one else?

Can’t Fall Asleep with Anyone But My Ex

Answered by on -


Thank you for sending your question to PsychCentral. My guess is that being in bed with this new man brings back the anxiety, struggles, and unfinished business with your ex-boyfriend. I think the struggle to move on gets triggered by the intimacy.

I would highly recommend some short-term therapy, perhaps with a cognitive behavioral therapist, to help explore any leftover feelings with your ex-boyfriend. The find help tab at the top of the page will help you find someone in your area.

Wishing you patience and peace,
Dr. Dan
Proof Positive Blog @ PsychCentral

Can’t Fall Asleep with Anyone But My Ex

Daniel J. Tomasulo, PhD, TEP, MFA, MAPP

Dan Tomasulo Ph.D., TEP, MFA, MAPP teaches Positive Psychology in the graduate program of Counseling and Clinical Psychology at Columbia University, Teachers College and works with Martin Seligman, the Father of Positive Psychology in the Masters of Applied Positive Psychology (MAPP) program at the University of Pennsylvania. He is Director of the New York Certification in Positive Psychology for the Open Center in New York City and on faculty at New Jersey City University. Sharecare has honored him as one of the top 10 online influencers on the topic of depression. For more information go to: He also writes for Psych Central's Ask the Therapist column and the Proof Positive blog.

APA Reference
Tomasulo, D. (2018). Can’t Fall Asleep with Anyone But My Ex. Psych Central. Retrieved on May 23, 2019, from
Scientifically Reviewed
Last updated: 8 May 2018
Last reviewed: By a member of our scientific advisory board on 8 May 2018
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