I’m glad you have turned to this page. Growing up with a narcissistic mother put you in orbit around her emotional shortcomings. We know a fair amount about what happens in a household where this is the case.
Perhaps the best book on this is a classic known as, Drama Of The Gifted Child. This book by Alice Miller details the unique emotional intelligence developed by a child growing up with a narcissistic mother. The long and short of it is that your mother’s emotional roller coaster becomes yours, and the way out of it is to recognize that your goal is not to please her, and then to grieve the fact that you mother was not what you needed for your emotional development. Stop using her as a barometer for your own well-being.
As you stop using your mom as the barometer for your well-being you should eventually find ways to be more of yourself.