A: First of all, you are not defective. It is very normal for there to be a great deal of sexual “electricity” in the early stages of a relationship, and then for it to wane a little as time goes on — especially since you were initially only looking for a physical relationship and now you are looking for more. Our head gets in the way of our body all the time.
I think that’s one of the reasons affairs are often so sexually charged. You aren’t trying to analyze all the other aspects that go into a serious long-term relationship, such as compatibility, affection, shared goals, family involvements, hobbies, financial stability, future aspirations, etc, etc. Once we start looking at someone as a potential life partner, all sorts of things become important, not just whether we are sexually satisfied or not.
You are in your early twenties and this relationship is still in its infancy stage. Give it a chance before you predict its end. The best way to improve sexual intimacy is to improve open communication and trust. Keep cuddling, keep talking and see where things go.
All the best,
Dr. Holly Counts