I think my emotions are suppressed and its taking a toll on me and my relationship with my spouse. I can never say what I intend to say as the people around me do not accommodate that as I live with my in-laws. My privacy and my space is intruded at times. My anger is building up and my tolerance level has gone down. I am sending nasty msges to my husband for his unbelievably irritating family and we are having arguments. I live with threats from my husband that if I tell of his people, then I have to leave his house. By the way, I have my own place but we don’t live there because my husband is overly “filial” and his parents want him to live with them. Can you help me? My emotions is being suppressed and i feel lost and depressed. I feel suffocated overall.

A. From what you’ve written, it seems you are very unhappy with your living arrangements. When you complain about your in-laws, your husband threatens to make you leave their home. Your letter did not specify this, but it seems as though your husband is unwilling to leave his parents despite your unhappiness. Thus your predicament.

As I see it, you have two options: find a way to live peacefully with your in-laws or move out.

Continuing to live with your in-laws certainly is not an ideal situation but it may be necessary to stay in your marriage. You don’t have to suppress your emotions, but you might have to suppress your complaints. Complaining would only make the situation worse.

Only you know how much of this situation you can tolerate. If you are no longer willing to accept this living arrangement, then you might need to move out.

Living with your in-laws, rarely works. Sometimes, depending on the country you live in, it is customary. But customs are not necessarily right. Living with your in-laws has already caused problems between you and your husband. He needs to worry about the damage that is occurring to your marriage.

Finally, you should consider marriage counseling. With the help of an objective third-party, you and your husband might be able to develop a satisfactory living arrangement. Please take care.

Dr. Kristina Randle