A: Yes, this is certainly a complicated scenario. I can understand why you are feeling a little insecure given all the information. However, you also state that she has been open and honest with you and that you have a great relationship. I would worry more if she seemed secretive about it all. I’m also wondering if part of your insecurity is about her sexuality, with her having been in a heterosexual relationship and now in a same-sex relationship.
It could be that she thinks about it daily because of how it ended. She probably feels like she didn’t have closure and sometimes that can lead to some obsessive thinking. Now that she found out he didn’t really die, I could also see how that would bring the whole issue to the surface again. But if you are the one she is talking it through with, it is a good sign of her trust and respect for you.
I think it is natural to have your guard up somewhat, but on the other hand you state that she reassures you that the past is the past and she wants her future to be with you. We can really only make decisions on the information we have at any given point in time. If she isn’t giving you any reason to distrust her right now, then be willing to give her your trust. As long as you both have an open dialogue about what you are feeling, chances are that you can move past this unusual situation and build a solid future together.
All the best,
Dr. Holly Counts