Dear Doctor, I am with the love of my life and we are two peas in a pod, yet lately I have become so angry, rude, and sad for no reason I am afraid I am making it very hard for him to be happy. Our relationship is a dream come true, he is my high school sweetheart and we as a couple are incredible. None of our fights are ever about one another, yet they can become so mean due to my anger. Recently I have not been working much and he is very busy with his job. I have been with him for so long and am very used to our ‘traditional’ memories that when change occurs I tend to freak out, worry and cause an issue when there is none. This makes me sad because I don’t want to be the cause of someone’s unhappiness and I know I need help. When I feel threatened due to insecurities I lash out in order to defend myself however all it does is make him upset, confused and distant. Now that I have all this time to do nothing while he is busy I get angry at him for unreasonable issues. I know my behaviour is wrong yet I do not know how to change it. I don’t want to ruin my relationship due to my own insecurities though I believe I am. What makes me even more upset with my behaviour is he blames my unhappiness on himself. I need your help for I do not want to ruin a good thing for my momentary breakdowns. Please help me to understand why when everything is so good I tend to focus on the negative and truly bring it all down.
I am so sorry you are having these issues with your boyfriend. It sounds like the change in your feelings has happened at the same time there has been a change in both of your work lives: You’ve been working less, he’s been working more.
This has thrown your world out of balance. And when this happens couples often squabble because each resents the other.
I think a few sessions with the couple counselor would be very helpful to do each of you in finding ways of supporting each other.
Dan Tomasulo Ph.D., TEP, MFA, MAPP teaches Positive Psychology in the graduate program of Counseling and Clinical Psychology at Columbia University, Teachers College and works with Martin Seligman, the Father of Positive Psychology in the Masters of Applied Positive Psychology (MAPP) program at the University of Pennsylvania. He is Director of the New York Certification in Positive Psychology for the Open Center in New York City and on faculty at New Jersey City University. Sharecare has honored him as one of the top 10 online influencers on the topic of depression. For more information go to: http://www.dare2behappy.com/. He also writes for Psych Central's Ask the Therapist column and the Proof Positive blog.
APA Reference Tomasulo, D. (2018). I Should Be Smiling. Psych Central.
Retrieved on May 23, 2019, from https://psychcentral.com/ask-the-therapist/2014/07/22/i-should-be-smiling/
Last updated: 8 May 2018 Last reviewed: By a member of our scientific advisory board on 8 May 2018 Published on Psych Central.com. All rights reserved.