Thank you for asking this important question. It sounds as if you both have had difficulty for a long time, have lost basic trust in each other, and can’t seem to find any breathing room.
I think both of you need more information before you can make such an important life decision. I would do two things: First I would contact a couples therapist. You can use the “Find help” tab at the top of the page to find someone in your area, or find someone competent on your own. I would then meet with this person and explain everything. Having a third-party present can change things and allow for grievances to be aired properly.
I would then also make an appointment with a divorce mediator. People trained in divorce mediation will tell you the cold facts about what it takes to get divorce — and what you can expect.
After meeting with both professionals the two of you will have much more information about the possibilities and realities of your situation to help you make a better decision.